If you wanted my father’s full attention, just tell him you have a story “Some students were caught in the basketball court at night, during prep. They said the school security caught them.” “Caught them, doing what?” “53X, “I said, wondering whether this was something I should actually be telling my Dad. “53X, what is that?”He looked genuinely lost. “They were doing bad things… like, they were having sex.”
Is that what you people call it now? Is this another social media language?” He threw up his hands and shook his head. “Anyway, so, what happened?” “They got called out at the assembly the next day and were suspended indefinitely. The boy tried to put a brave face on it, but the girl was so distraught. She was so ashamed. Even me, I felt so embarrassed. You would think I was the one.” “I can imagine.
But you know what happened to that girl was more than the humiliation of being called out on the assembly?” “Daddy, what could be worse than that?” “Well, let me ask you. Even if they were not caught? Do you think that boy would ever respect a girl that he could have sex within a basketball court? Do you think he would be proud to take that girl home as his wife in the future?” “No, I don’t think so.” “So, she has lost her self-respect and presented herself like an easy girl, a mere plaything. That single incidence would probably follow her for the rest of her life.
As far as the boy was concerned, she was probably just another conquest. I’m not saying it’s the right thinking, but that’s how it goes.” “OMG! I can’t even imagine.” “Aliya, I don’t know what OMG means. But I am not sure I want you to be speaking this so-called language of yours in this house. That is why you people cannot spell anything.”
“Come on Daddy, you are so old school! OMG means ‘Oh My God’.” “Seriously, I am getting really worried about this new language of yours. The way you people are reducing everything to acronyms and abbreviations. What’s that? How would you kids learn to speak or write good English? That is why a majority of you are failing WAEC.”
“Daddy, it’s nothing to worry about. They are just slangs. I can even teach you.” “Me, I don’t what to learn that nonsense. Teacher don’t teach me nonsense,” he sang. Daddy liked Fela’s music. But his favourite was the Malian singer, All Farka Toure, even though he did not understand a single word of the man’s song.
I once asked him how it was possible to enjoy a piece of music he did not understand. He said I should not confuse the song with the music. Besides, he said, music is a universal language that speaks to your soul and not just your ears.Whatever that means. “Okay, what does KPC mean?”I asked in defiance.
“K-P-C. I beg, leave me, I have a match to watch,” he protested. But I could see he was thinking of the answer. “Daddy now, we are only playing,” I said, pretending to sulk. I folded my hands across my chest. “Okay, cry-cry baby. I know PC means Personal Computers. But what is the K?” I tried to suppress the laughter that suddenly seized me like a sneeze but I failed. I was soon rolling on the ground, holding my stomach.
I laughed so hard that I could feel tears rolling down my eyes as I coughed repeatedly. “You better be careful. You asked me a question and I answered to the best of my ability, so what’s this?” “Daddy, you are so wrong.” “Okay, I am so wrong.Tell me, what is the meaning?” I tried to suppress the onset of another burst of laughter by coughing repeatedly. “KPC. Keep Parents Clueless.” “Keep what!” He shouted in consternation.
“Keep Parents Clueless. Can you just imagine? Wahala dey o.” I heard my name. It was Mummy. She was complaining that I had not eaten. “Anyway, go answer your mother. We can continue after the match,” he said, still wondering at what I had just told him. “Keep parents clueless. Can you imagine,”he said to himself as I got up. I left my books and other things on the floor beside my seat, truly hoping to continue the discussion after the match. I prayed Chelsea would win. Otherwise, that could be the end of our conversation for that day.