- 1 Method #1: The ‘Stop-Start Method’
- 2 Method #2: Distraction Method
- 3 Method #3: Avoiding Foreplay
- 4 Method #4: Slower Sex
- 5 Method #5: Less Penetrative Sex
- 6 Method #6: The Squeeze Method
- 7 Method #7: Viagra and Medication
- 8 Method #8: Getting Drunk Or High
- 9 Method #9: Mental Training
- 10 Method #10: Practice With Masturbation ??
- 11 16. Respect Her Boundaries (And Enforce Your Own)
Method #1: The ‘Stop-Start Method’
Method #2: Distraction Method
Method #3: Avoiding Foreplay
Method #4: Slower Sex
Method #5: Less Penetrative Sex
Method #6: The Squeeze Method
Method #7: Viagra and Medication
Method #8: Getting Drunk Or High
Method #9: Mental Training
Method #10: Practice With Masturbation ??
11. Take it slow
16. Respect Her Boundaries (And Enforce Your Own)
Tying into enthusiastic consent, you want to respect your partner’s boundaries.
People are complicated, often contradictory beasts. We all have limits and things that we just cannot or will not do… and they aren’t always logical or may not even make sense to an outside party. But just because we don’t necessarily understand the reason or motivation for somebody’s boundaries doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t respect them… especially when sex is involved.
Everyone has things that are a hard “no” to them while others may be a “not yet” while still others could well be negotiated under the right circumstances. Each person has the right to determine where his or her limits are and how firm they are, no matter whether they seem entirely logical and reasonable or completely absurd. It’s not up to you to decide which things are ok to push against which other things aren’t. This means not trying to manipulate her, guilt her or otherwise apply social pressure like “freeze-outs” and other anti-Last Minute Resistance techniques. This is coercion, not consent.
But respecting boundaries doesn’t just mean hers; it means yours as well… and you should be willing to enforce them as needed. Just as she is free to draw the line and not be pushed past it, so too are you. Many guys I know live in fear of the Paradise By the Dashboard Light moment, being brought up short in what seems like the worst possible minute and making sex conditional on agreeing to a relationship, marriage or some other unwanted transaction. Still others worry about being led on by someone who wants to manipulate them through their junk, perpetually leading them on by keeping the promise of sex just tantalizingly out of reach. And these are all areas where you have to be willing to say “no” and hold firm. You don’t make a fuss or accuse them of trying to pull anything. Just refuse to play; don’t let yourself be guilted, taunted or teased into giving in.
Does it mean you’re giving up the possibility of sex with this person? Well… yes. Sometimes the price of enforcing your boundaries means not screwing manipulative people. Trust me, this is a feature, not a bug and you’ll be much happier for it.
17. Be GGG
One of the most important concepts that the official NerdLove Patronus Dan Savage came up with is the concept of being “GGG” — that is, being good, giving, and game. In many ways, this represents the core of the “fucking” part of “fuck like a gentleman” (To forestall the inevitable comments: yes, the idea of being GGG applies to both women and men. But in the context of this article, I’m specifically addressing guys.) Here’s how you apply it:
A. Be Good (In Bed)
What this means is that you should aspire to be a skilled, talented lover. Don’t necessarily have the experience to build up those skill points? Then you practice. The keys to learning how to be a good lover are very simple: you show an eagerness to listen, an ability to take direction and criticism without taking it personally or letting your ego get in the way. Even if you’re a complete virgin who’s never even seen a woman naked in person, having an open mind and a can-do attitude will make you far more appealing than someone who’s had dozens of partners but doesn’t pay attention to his lovers’ pleasure. Attitude and a willingness to learn count for a lot.
B. Be Giving (Of Time and Pleasure)
You want to be considerate of your partner’s pleasure. This means foreplay. Lots of it. Far too many people — even ones who consider themselves to be amazing lovers — spend a minimal amount of time playing with her breasts, perfunctory oral sex, and then straight to the bangin’. Sex is about more than just getting the peen in, and treating sex as a holistic exercise that incorporates your entire bodies is key. There are more erogenous zones than just her nipples, her clitoris and her g-spot after all, and tagging all three like you’re running the bases and headed for home tends to signal that you’re an inconsiderate lover. Take time to make out more — having her straddle your thigh while you make out provides pressure to the pubic mound that can be amazing, for example — and find just all of those areas that make you both gasp, bite your lip and moan.
Keep in mind that different people have different arousal patterns. Want to know hers? Ask. Take turns exploring revealing something you want the other to do, letting it drive you both towards the edge until you’re almost ready to explode.
C. Be Game For Anything (Within Reason)
We all have our turn ons and kinks. Sometimes kismet happens and you’ll turn out to have complimentary interests, but more often than not, both you and your partner will have kinks that you don’t share. One of the keys of being a great lover is being willing to try new things, even if they’re not necessarily the actions that turn your crank. Being willing to do something different — even if it’s not something you’re into or even are a little unsure of — for the sake of your partner’s pleasure is part of what makes you a more giving and attentive paramour… and it makes your relationship better, according to science. Studies have shown that being flexible with what you’re willing to try in bed has been proven to dramatically increase a partner’s sense of satisfaction with the relationship.
But this isn’t about grudgingly trying something new; half-heartedly participating in something your partner enjoys is, in many ways, worse than not doing it at all. It signals that you’re only doing this to placate her and you’re less concerned about her pleasure than you are about getting her to just shut up about it. So you need to be bringing your best effort, even with the understanding that it may not be your favorite thing in the world.
An obvious disclaimer: the “within reason” part is important. Hopefully it goes without saying that you don’t want to try something that would leave you curled up on the floor or crying in the shower. But being willing to take a step outside of your comfort zone and pushing the envelope of your sexual repertoire for the sake of your partner’s sexual satisfaction is important. And after all, you’d want her to be willing to do the same for you.
18. Great Sex Does Not (Necessarily) Equal Orgasms
It’s important to keep in mind: sex, even great sex doesn’t necessarily equal orgasms. Because it’s generally very easy for men to get off — too easy at times, to be honest — guys tend to be very orgasm-focused, seeing it as the end goal of sex. However, women’s ability to reach orgasm (and what they need to get there) can vary greatly from person to person. Some women need a great deal of direct clitoral stimulation — sometimes more than the human body can provide — in order to come. Others are easier to get off than a pair of shoes. Most women can’t orgasm strictly through penetrative sex without clitoral stimulation; some can, but they’re decidedly in the minority. Some women can be unable to orgasm at all for a variety of reasons. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that not having an orgasm means that the sex wasn’t great; women can still enjoy the intimacy, the sensation and the act, even if they don’t come. Treating sex as orgasm-centric can put a lot of pressure on women to perform — occasionally literally — and paradoxically make it harder to get off.
BUT! This doesn’t mean that you can view her orgasm as a secondary concern. Instead of treating orgasms as the end goal, treat them as part of the process — a part of the pleasure from sex as a whole rather than an attitude of “well, you got yours, now it’s my turn.”
And speaking of orgasms… most men tend to treat their orgasm as the signal that sex is now over, even if it happened earlier than one might hope. And in fairness, when men come, their bodies produce the hormone prolactin which causes us to lose our interest in sex, for our erections to deflate and makes us get sleepy immediately afterwards. But this doesn’t necessarily mean that sex is done — especially if your partner is still revved up and ready to go. Yes, you may have lost your hard on, but your hands and tongue don’t go limp; power through the drowsiness and ensure your partner’s satisfaction. You can both collapse into an exhausted, happy and gloriously sweaty heap afterwards.
And speaking of…
19. Don’t Blow The AfterFire
Regardless of whether it’s a one-night stand or a relationship of long-standing, you have an obligation to manage things after sex as well. At the very least, a gentleman provides a warm washcloth for immediate clean-up, water and a shower afterwards. What you don’t do is immediately try to make your escape or shuffle them out the door. Yeah, you’re worried about whether letting her stay would mean that she’s going to get overly attached. Don’t worry: odds are she’s thinking the exact same thing… especially if you’re a one night stand. She’s about as likely to not want to stay over as you are — after all, nobody likes the awkward morning after with a relative stranger.
If you don’t want her staying over — or you want to get back to your place, after — then you need to establish this early. This means before sex starts. You don’t have to make an elaborate production of it, just mention “I really want to do this, but just so you know I have an early meeting/ have to be up stupid early/ have to walk and feed my dog.” Not only will she understand — both the actual need and the underlying message — but odds are she’ll be relieved; it takes the pressure off you both from having the awkward .”..sooooo” moment once the possibility of just one more go-round has faded.
Regardless of whether you stay or go, the next day you owe her a text at the very least. It doesn’t have to be elaborate; just a very simple “Hey, I just wanted you to know, I had a great time with you last night.” That’s it; a simple acknowledgement that you enjoyed yourself and you appreciate her involvement. If you’re not planning on seeing her again, then just leave it there; don’t make any empty promises of “let’s do it again some time” that you don’t actually mean. The post-sex text is a small thing, but it goes a very long way to saying that you see her as a person, someone who was your partner in this, not just a sex toy to be used and discarded.
For a love relationship to successfully bloom and flourish, couples must exert extra effort to make their partner feel that they are truly loved and cherished. For women, the need to feel loved and cherished is always a big and important relationship issue. If you want your woman to feel that she is truly loved and cherished by you, then you’d better read on.
20. Let’s Get Physical
Women by nature are vain. Whether they like to admit it or not, they are vain beings who are innately seeking for approval and admiration, especially from their partner. The most basic thing you can do if you want to show your woman that you appreciate her is by telling her that she is beautiful. Of course, you should mean what you say when you acknowledge her physical traits. Remember, women have very strong intuition that’s why you should be careful in giving fake or insincere compliments since they will really sense if you are faking it.
21. Appreciate The Effort
Whenever your woman comes up with something that you knew entailed much effort from her (such as a super yummy dinner, a great cross-stitched masterpiece, a delectable cake, etc.), make sure that you let her know that you are proud of what she did. For sure, she will be beaming with happiness and blushing with pride because you were able to notice and give value to her endeavours.
22. The Magic Of Your Touch
Women are not robots who become satisfied with just verbal appreciation. Don’t overuse the power of compliments. A great relationship tip that will surely enhance the quality of your bond involves the use of hands. A simple tap on the shoulder, a squeeze on the hand, a kiss on the lips or a warm tight hug will surely make your woman feel that she is loved by you. Sweet and sincere skin to skin encounters will not only make you and your woman feel good but it will also ignite passion and excitement in your relationship.
23. Show Your Artistic And/Or Poetic Side
The most common reaction of men when given the suggestion to express themselves artistically or poetically is oh no, no way! because most men don’t really like to do so because they feel like it lessens their tough guy image.
However, studies have shown that a great number of women will really be delighted if their partner would compose a poem, write a song or paint a picture for them. If you would reason out that you have absolutely no talent when it comes to composing or painting, the more your woman will realise that you really cherish her because she will see that you have tried really hard to make something special for her.
24. Be Her Knight In Shining Armour
Every woman dreams of having their own prince charming sweeping them off their feet. With the modern world that we are living in today, traditional prince charming’s are surely considered to be already extinct. However, that shouldn’t stop you from being a prince charming in your own right and making your princess dream come true.
For you to be a modern knight in shining armour, you should learn the ways of a true gentleman. You have to be respectful, witty, courteous and charming. Although it is a bit difficult to act all poised and cavalier like a true prince, you can act like prince charming in your own little way. Your woman will surely adore you more when she will notice all the effort that you exert just to please her.
There are still a lot of ways on how to make your woman feel that you truly cherish her. The tips mentioned here are just what we may call general and tip of the iceberg kind of ideas. It doesn’t really matter what style or strategy you use to make your woman feel that she is really important to you as long as you express it genuinely and sincerely.
True love does not have strict rules that couples must adhere to. If you want to have sweet harmony in your relationship, just keep in mind that you should take the time to make your woman feel that you love, cherish and respect her.
It’s no fun for her (and embarrassing for you) when it all ends too early. So we got top sexologists to reveal the best secrets to prolong sex.
For most guys, the bedroom is probably the one place you don’t want to finish first. Sex experts (and, we assume, you) agree that nothing makes a guy feel more insecure than coming up short when it matters most. So if you’re plagued by this sexual shortcoming, relax—there are numerous ways to boost your sexual endurance and last longer in bed.
“All men have their own extending technique, from thinking about football or baseball or counting backwards in their heads,” says A.L. Harper, a sex expert and former editor of a U.K.-based men’s magazine. “However, these distraction techniques can end up making guys worse in bed because they aren’t paying attention to their partner’s pleasure.”
If you’re curious to find out the real ways to last longer, so you don’t kill the mood for the both of you, check out these tips. We asked three top industry experts to share the advice they give their clients—no Viagra required.
25. STUDY THE KAMA SUTRA
“There is a technique mentioned in the Kama Sutra for delaying ejaculations that basically comes down to training yourself to last longer,” says Harper. Start slowly—with no more than one “in/out” stroke every three seconds. “Then, add more strokes, slowly, over the course of 4 or 5 minutes, until you’re moving one stroke per second.” If you start to feel like you’re going to come, stop and “hold yourself inside your partner until you feel in control again, then begin the whole process again.”
26. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD
“Performance anxiety is the number-one killer of erections,” says Patti Britton, a board-certified clinical sexologist. “Shift your thinking to a more confident inner voice, as opposed to a worried voice.” A “self-debilitating mindset” is what shuts guys down, she explains. “When you begin to feel anxiety, stop, take a breath, and get out of your head—focusing, instead, on the feelings your body is producing for you.”
27. SLOW DOWN
“Instead of the fast-paced jack-hammering style that many men are so fond of, try taking your time,” says Toyooka. Sex at a slower pace leads to a more connected experience for both people. “It’s more sensual because you’re caressing and exploring the rest of her body. Kiss her neck, nuzzle her ear, let your hands gently explore her body,” she says. The most important thing to keep in mind that will help you last longer? Enjoy the journey that leads to your destination.
28. PRACTICE THE 7 AND 9 METHOD
Like the Kama Sutra method (mentioned in no. 1, above), Harper recommends the 7 and 9 technique. “It’s 7 fast in/out strokes, followed by 9 slow in/out strokes. Then repeat: 7 fast, 9 slow, 7 fast, 9 slow,” she says. “This rhythm is good for guys who don’t last quite as long as their partner needs, and good for the ladies, as it establishes a good rhythm for her stimulation too.”
29. DON’T GO DEEP
“If you feel that continued deep thrusting will bring on an all-too-quick orgasm, try penetrating only the lower portion of her vagina—in other words, take more shallow thrusts,” says Toyooka. “Also, alternating between shallow and deep thrusts can make you last longer, and will also make the experience a lot more fun!”
Britton recommends you explore the “squeeze technique.” “There are three areas of the penis where squeezing or applying pressure can help a man sustain or maintain an erection.” For the first, make a tight ring with the index finger and thumb around the base of the shaft when it is erect, simulating a penile ring. It can help a man keep blood flow to the engorged penis. The second: Apply pressure on the underside of the head. “That’s a male hot spot, densely packed with nerves,” Britton says. And finally, pressing on the “perineum,” or the spot between the anus and the base of the testicles. “It will feel like the tip of the nose. If he presses with his finger, it will congest the flow of ejaculate and help quell the early release of the erection.”
32. CHANGE THINGS UP
The best thing to do if you’re getting close to the edge? Alter your speed, advises human sexuality expert Catherine Toyooka Opens a New Window. , the founder of Catherine Coaches sex workshops. “Try teasing her,” she suggests. “Take your penis out and rub just the head of it sensually up and down and between her labia. Vaginas have lots of nerve endings clustered in the lower portion of their vaginal canal, so this move will still be very enjoyable for her to experience.”
It’s just the gentlemanly thing to do